One Week Home

The Tanner Family!

Haiyan & Elizabeth in their play kitchen. They love to cook!

James playing with Elizabeth & Haiyan. They love to play with balloons, and to climb all over James.

It's been a week now that James, Haiyan, and Elizabeth have been home. Jet lag seems to be over, and all have been sleeping through the night the past few nights. Elizabeth was really sick with digestive problems when they first arrived home, but that was gone by Monday. James was home from work all week, which has helped Haiyan as she gets used to being with me and living at our house. She still cries when he leaves the house and is with me only, but it usually only lasts about 15 minutes. She cried the first couple nights when we put her to bed, but now she really seems to like our bedtime ritual. She shares a room with Elizabeth, which Elizabeth was really happy about. For the past few months, Elizabeth had been wanting "a real person" to sleep in her room with her. They have fun waking up in the morning together and coloring or looking at books.

So far, we've been really surprised at how Haiyan has adjusted so well to our home and seems to be bonding with us. She has a really fun personality and she loves to laugh, sing, and dance. She has a good appetite and has eaten everything we've given her (Mexican, Italian, Chinese, American). She has a huge Chinese vocabulary, which James understands some of. And she's picking up English words quickly. She copies a lot of what we say, and it can be pretty funny. Like yesterday when Elizabeth was getting a time-out, Haiyan followed her to the chair saying "obey! time-out!".

She had her appointment at the International Adoption Clinic at Children's of WI today and it went really well. We met with doctors, a social worker, a psychologist, etc. and they said that she seems to be right on track developmentally. And her weight/height is even a little above average. We thought that she was doing fine, but it was good to have it confirmed by professionals. We also got her new shoes today that fit better, and they have already really improved her walking. She loved them and kept saying "pretty" and "thank you" in Chinese.

So, we think things are going really well. We've been able to stay home a lot this week, and I think that has helped her feel more settled and comfortable. Hopefully next week, we can have some friends over and let her start meeting people.

Home

I decided to try and post a video. I feel this video shows off Haiyan's personality. It also shows how active and busy she stays. Notice how she couldn't care less about the cartoon movie playing (Jungle Book).

Well, it's sure nice to be home! Haiyan is adjusting wonderfully and is beginning to bond with Amy. There have been so many answers to prayer and I will try to list some of the specifics soon. Thank you to those who have prayed for us. My faith has definitely been strengthened through all of this.

A brief story I've told to illustrate Haiyan's current adjustment. The first two nights when Haiyan had to go to bed were a bit nuts. When she heard the term "night-night", a term she learned with me in China, she would flip out. We have a going to bed ritual which consist of brushing teeth, a Bible story, prayer, and Amy singing three songs as well as a "Teddy Bear Teddy Bear" thing. Haiyan screamed through all of it two nights in a row. The third night, after brushing Haiyan's teeth, she secretly slipped away, sat on her bed, opened the Bible story book, and waited with a smile on her face. After the Bible story was read, she folded hands and waited for the prayer. After the prayer, she slipped into bed, pulled her covers up, and then extended her arms for a hug and kiss. When Amy hugged and kissed her and said she loved her, Haiyan repeated back a soft "I love you". Haiyan then went quietly to sleep. We were amazed to say the least.

Lastly, we visited a very talented orthopedic surgeon today for Haiyan's foot. We were led to him through Lesley's boss. What a great find! He spent over an hour with us discussing our options. At this point there are still quite a few unknowns and we would appreciate prayer for wisdom.

Thanks for all of your support. I sure enjoyed meeting with people at church this Sunday. I spent the entire time chatting and missed both services. I hope to catch the service next time.

-James

Flying Home!

James, the girls, and his parents have begun their long trip home. They're flying to Shanghai right now, then they have a layover, then the 13 hour flight back to Chicago. They're all very anxious to get home, and they should arrive around 4pm Thursday. I'm so excited to pick them up and meet Haiyan! My parents and Lesley & Jared are also coming to the airport with me.

It's been a long 2 weeks for both of us. For James, because he isn't used to taking care of the kids all day long, especially from a hotel. And for me, because I'm not used to it being so quiet around the house! I was able to get SO much done though, and I now feel ready for Haiyan and whenever baby Joshua decides to arrive. I'm SO grateful to my parents for coming last weekend and helping me get Joshua's room ready and to Lesley & Jared for all of their help while James was gone. And I am so thankful for my nice neighbors who have checked on me and shoveled snow, otherwise I never would have been able to leave my house last week! And for my friends who helped celebrate my birthday last week, and gave me a really fun baby/adoption shower!

-Amy

And More...

Really, I was just blinking and she has such a wonderful smile.


Posing in front of McDonalds.

Enjoying a sunday at McDonalds

Pop-pop feeding her noodles. I usually don't let others feed Haiyan, but this was pretty funny. She would eat the noodles and then laugh. Many of the noodls fell to the floor.

Elizabeth eating noodles her own way. They were a bit to spicy for her and she eventually had to stop because her lips were swelling.

Time for Some More Pictures

I just can't keep her from loving the princesses.

She loves her pop-pop so much.

It's a bit difficult eating this way.

It's a bit difficult eating this way.

You can see here how happy I am to know that nap time is coming.

God Gives My Heart's Desire!

With much prayer from many people God has given our heart's desire. I will be returning to America for my family to be together once again. What a relief! God has taught me so much through this experience as well as many others in the last two years. He has taught me to trust in him while He continues to be faithful. It is not my job to control everything. I am to work hard and strive for what is good, but to not strive for control. I have learned to desire and to petition God, but to be content and know that God is good.

Thanks for all of your prayers. What a wonderful and supportive community we have.

Need More Prayer!

This morning I was told that my immigration approval had the wrong name for Haiyan. It should have said Xu, Hai Yan, but actually said Hai Xu. This could be a show stopper that keeps me in China for another month. Please pray that the US consulate in China is understanding.

Short Update

Last night Elizabeth and Haiyan were playing. Haiyan bit Elizabeth on the butt. She actually punctured Elizabeth with two teeth... ouch! Haiyan that it was funny, Elizabeth was in pain, and I quickly put Haiyan in timeout. It was a bit funny, because they were both playing with a McDonald's toy; the lemur from Madagascar. We have watched that movie like 5 times thus far. Anyway, there are two lines in that movie that I kept thinking about: 1. "What's a bite on the butt amongst friends". 2. "he's going savage".

Finally an Update!!!

Well, the girls are playing together and I thought I would steal some time and blog for just a bit. Elizabeth is learning how to play without constraining Haiyan, and has been such a blessing throughout this trip. Elizabeth finally had her first blowout this morning. She sat in timeout for quite some time while I talked her through it. I was very impressed with her as she actually calmed herself down from a major fit. Good stuff! Haiyan quietly watched the action, it didn't seem to bother her. Haiyan also knows what "timeout" means, as she has been in it a number of times. When she misbehaves, she knows that the timeout chair is ready, and she usually quickly corrects. Again, good stuff! Haiyan throws a fit anytime she does not get her way. It can be the smallest of things, but she goes nuts like she's dying. Then she continues for about ten minutes. So, we'll take the bad with the good and work with it. She's already beginning to learn the "Tanner Tao". One may throw a fit, but the fit will get one nowhere.

I am learning that attachment is a two way street. I guess I had read and heard that before, but do not think it totally registered with me. Now that I am here and working with Haiyan and her fits, I have found love to be an unnatural choice at times, which affects my attachment to her. I have experienced a tighter attachment to her throughout the second week in China.

My parents have been such a blessing. They are always patient with me. And believe me I'm not the easiest to deal with when sleep deprived and after listening to screaming children all day. I think I drew a disappointed fatherly look from my father once when I snapped at one of the kind guides that was trying to help me (oops). They've taken all of the pictures and have documented the experience well. They have also been respectful of my parenting and have asked before acting with my children. It's been difficult for me to not have them feed, change, or hold Haiyan, but I believe it is the best thing for Haiyan in order mitigate parent confusion, but it sure wears me out.

It really may be a blessing for me to be here with Haiyan and without Amy as Haiyan has been primarily cared for by women. I think she will have no problem attaching to Amy.

A few things I have noticed Haiyan likes:
-anything Elizabeth does
-baths (with Elizabeth)
-reading/reading to others
-eating
-buns, rice, watermelon, congee, chocolate, cookies, and noodles
-coloring

A few things she does not like:
-American food (including pizza)
-liquid egg yolks (pretty vocal about this one)
-not getting her way
-timeout
-being messed with while sleeping (like me keeping her from falling off the bed)

Okay, I hope this has helped to share the experience. If you have any questions, then ask away and I will post.

Cheers from China,
James

James and the Girls

James has been really busy taking care of Haiyan and Elizabeth, so he hasn't had time to write much. I've been able to talk to them a couple times a day on Skype, and things seem to be going really well. Haiyan seems really comfortable now and has been really happy. They say that she's very kind and sharing, but that she is also very determined and stubborn. She talks a lot and is copying English words really well. They say that she watches Elizabeth and copies what she does. And it seems that Elizabeth was copying Haiyan too, because Shelley said that once when she was walking, Elizabeth was turning her foot and limping like Haiyan.
Haiyan is able to walk around really well. She has a make-shift prosthetic on her bad foot, that allows her to wear a shoe. Every time I've seen them on Skype, she seems to walk around without a problem.
James says that he thinks Haiyan was in a really great foster home, where she was 1 of 15 girls. She came to James straight from the foster home, which is a huge answer to prayer, because most children are moved to an orphanage a few weeks before their families come to get them. She had the same caretakers the entire time she was there, and they made a big scrapbook for her. It has baby photos in it and lots of writing about her life so far, and even Bible verses (so unusual for China!). This is a such a blessing, because most orphans in China don't bring any kind of history with them. There are photos of the home she was in, with verses written on some walls. So, we're so grateful that our prayers were answered and it looks like she has been in a great home with people who were truly watching out for her and loved her.
Tomorrow they fly to Guangzhou to finalize the adoption, have a medical exam, and do a lot of paperwork. We only have one more week before they fly home! I'm so anxious to see them. I think Haiyan is getting used to seeing me on Skype. She says Momma and smiles and waves whenever I see her!
-Amy

More Pictures from "Gotcha!" Day

Haiyan's caregiver spinning Haiyan:






Stickers bridging the gap:



Haiyan showing a smile:

Pictures from "Gotcha!" day.

Elizabeth playing at the beijing airport:




Waiting for our flight at the Beijing airport:




Haiyan and Elizabeth coloring while I fill out paper work, hand out money, and receiving receipts:

Gotcha!

Well I finally have found some time to blog. It's really quite difficult to find this time. I put Haiyan down for a nap, and Elizabeth went to hangout with pop-pop and grandma-Shelley. I titled this entry "Gotcha!", because that is what the day is called by all adoptive parents. This day will be celebrated every year by Amy and I as "Gotcha day".

When I first saw Haiyan I was excited, apprehensive, timid, confused, sad, and happy all at the same time. What makes my experience rare is that Haiyan was never given to the orphanage to wait for my arrival. Most children in foster homes are dropped off at the orphanage 1 to 4 weeks before the adoptive parents arrive in China. Because our notice to travel was so late, the foster home caregiver was present when I picked up Haiyan. I point this out as being important, because I was able to witness first hand the tearing away of Haiyan from her family. I thought long and hard last night of how I could briefly communicate this experience to those reading this blog and feel I have found the right words: I watched my daughter's heart break and it was I who triggered it's start. This statement brings to me the feeling I had while taking Haiyan from the room where the caregiver stood, turning around, and walking away with a child crying desperately.... mama mama. This is all I will say about the experience.

In the next entry, I will post some pictures that my father took. I hope it will not be long before I can post some video.

Thanks you for your continued prayers,
James

Bitterweet Good-bye

We left our house Friday, January 9th, 8:27 AM to catch the 12:30 PM international flight. It had already snowed three to four inches and it took one hour to drive six miles. I started to feel a flip-out timer inside my gut ticking down as the clock approached 9:30 AM. Fortunately, speeds quickened with proximity to O'hare. We arrived at the airport with two hours to spare, and check-in took very little time. A friend of mine, Lee, from work decided this past Monday to share four flight seat upgrades with me. When we checked in we found that all four upgrades went through, and we were again reminded how blessed we are to have such wonderful friends.


Saying goodbye was difficult is an understatement. Amy showed so much strength and I am very proud of her. She has worked so hard for all of this to happen, and she has stayed so very strong throughout all of the obstacles.

Now able to travel January 9th!!!!

It was 10:30 AM today when Amy called me and told me that the US consulate in China had scheduled our appointment. Someone had canceled their appointment and we were scheduled in their place. Our adoption agency shared with us that it is extremely rare for someone to cancel their consulate appointment.

We feel this is another answer to prayer and we are overjoyed. Regardless of all the obstacles we have faced, God has been faithful. Please take some time today and praise God on our behalf. Thank you for all of your prayers, encouragement, and support. We are very fortunate to have such wonderful friends.

My parents, Elizabeth and I will now be preparing to travel this Friday, January 9th. Please continue to pray for logistics and for Amy while we are away.

Not able to leave on Jan. 8

We finally received the paper we need from Homeland Security today, but now our agency's telling us that James won't be able to travel this week because the American Consulate in China is not making any more appointments for January. We have to have an appointment to bring Haiyan home, and since the Chinese New Year is coming up, the Consulate has been refusing to make anymore appointments this month. So, our agency's telling us that the next travel group James could go with doesn't leave until January 30.

So, needless to say, this has been another very frustrating day. We really thought that things were going to work out this time for him to go, and we hadn't been warned about the possible delay with the Consulate.

Right now we're just praying that something might happen that would allow him to still leave this week. The trip is 2 weeks, and to wait until Jan. 30 to leave puts us so close to my due date of Feb. 28.

We're so thankful that his parents are still willing to travel with him, since I can't go now. And we decided that Elizabeth will most likely go too, to help make Haiyan's transition to our family go smoother.

Thanks so much to everyone who has been praying for us and asking how things are going.