Short Update

Last night Elizabeth and Haiyan were playing. Haiyan bit Elizabeth on the butt. She actually punctured Elizabeth with two teeth... ouch! Haiyan that it was funny, Elizabeth was in pain, and I quickly put Haiyan in timeout. It was a bit funny, because they were both playing with a McDonald's toy; the lemur from Madagascar. We have watched that movie like 5 times thus far. Anyway, there are two lines in that movie that I kept thinking about: 1. "What's a bite on the butt amongst friends". 2. "he's going savage".

Finally an Update!!!

Well, the girls are playing together and I thought I would steal some time and blog for just a bit. Elizabeth is learning how to play without constraining Haiyan, and has been such a blessing throughout this trip. Elizabeth finally had her first blowout this morning. She sat in timeout for quite some time while I talked her through it. I was very impressed with her as she actually calmed herself down from a major fit. Good stuff! Haiyan quietly watched the action, it didn't seem to bother her. Haiyan also knows what "timeout" means, as she has been in it a number of times. When she misbehaves, she knows that the timeout chair is ready, and she usually quickly corrects. Again, good stuff! Haiyan throws a fit anytime she does not get her way. It can be the smallest of things, but she goes nuts like she's dying. Then she continues for about ten minutes. So, we'll take the bad with the good and work with it. She's already beginning to learn the "Tanner Tao". One may throw a fit, but the fit will get one nowhere.

I am learning that attachment is a two way street. I guess I had read and heard that before, but do not think it totally registered with me. Now that I am here and working with Haiyan and her fits, I have found love to be an unnatural choice at times, which affects my attachment to her. I have experienced a tighter attachment to her throughout the second week in China.

My parents have been such a blessing. They are always patient with me. And believe me I'm not the easiest to deal with when sleep deprived and after listening to screaming children all day. I think I drew a disappointed fatherly look from my father once when I snapped at one of the kind guides that was trying to help me (oops). They've taken all of the pictures and have documented the experience well. They have also been respectful of my parenting and have asked before acting with my children. It's been difficult for me to not have them feed, change, or hold Haiyan, but I believe it is the best thing for Haiyan in order mitigate parent confusion, but it sure wears me out.

It really may be a blessing for me to be here with Haiyan and without Amy as Haiyan has been primarily cared for by women. I think she will have no problem attaching to Amy.

A few things I have noticed Haiyan likes:
-anything Elizabeth does
-baths (with Elizabeth)
-reading/reading to others
-eating
-buns, rice, watermelon, congee, chocolate, cookies, and noodles
-coloring

A few things she does not like:
-American food (including pizza)
-liquid egg yolks (pretty vocal about this one)
-not getting her way
-timeout
-being messed with while sleeping (like me keeping her from falling off the bed)

Okay, I hope this has helped to share the experience. If you have any questions, then ask away and I will post.

Cheers from China,
James

James and the Girls

James has been really busy taking care of Haiyan and Elizabeth, so he hasn't had time to write much. I've been able to talk to them a couple times a day on Skype, and things seem to be going really well. Haiyan seems really comfortable now and has been really happy. They say that she's very kind and sharing, but that she is also very determined and stubborn. She talks a lot and is copying English words really well. They say that she watches Elizabeth and copies what she does. And it seems that Elizabeth was copying Haiyan too, because Shelley said that once when she was walking, Elizabeth was turning her foot and limping like Haiyan.
Haiyan is able to walk around really well. She has a make-shift prosthetic on her bad foot, that allows her to wear a shoe. Every time I've seen them on Skype, she seems to walk around without a problem.
James says that he thinks Haiyan was in a really great foster home, where she was 1 of 15 girls. She came to James straight from the foster home, which is a huge answer to prayer, because most children are moved to an orphanage a few weeks before their families come to get them. She had the same caretakers the entire time she was there, and they made a big scrapbook for her. It has baby photos in it and lots of writing about her life so far, and even Bible verses (so unusual for China!). This is a such a blessing, because most orphans in China don't bring any kind of history with them. There are photos of the home she was in, with verses written on some walls. So, we're so grateful that our prayers were answered and it looks like she has been in a great home with people who were truly watching out for her and loved her.
Tomorrow they fly to Guangzhou to finalize the adoption, have a medical exam, and do a lot of paperwork. We only have one more week before they fly home! I'm so anxious to see them. I think Haiyan is getting used to seeing me on Skype. She says Momma and smiles and waves whenever I see her!
-Amy

More Pictures from "Gotcha!" Day

Haiyan's caregiver spinning Haiyan:






Stickers bridging the gap:



Haiyan showing a smile:

Pictures from "Gotcha!" day.

Elizabeth playing at the beijing airport:




Waiting for our flight at the Beijing airport:




Haiyan and Elizabeth coloring while I fill out paper work, hand out money, and receiving receipts:

Gotcha!

Well I finally have found some time to blog. It's really quite difficult to find this time. I put Haiyan down for a nap, and Elizabeth went to hangout with pop-pop and grandma-Shelley. I titled this entry "Gotcha!", because that is what the day is called by all adoptive parents. This day will be celebrated every year by Amy and I as "Gotcha day".

When I first saw Haiyan I was excited, apprehensive, timid, confused, sad, and happy all at the same time. What makes my experience rare is that Haiyan was never given to the orphanage to wait for my arrival. Most children in foster homes are dropped off at the orphanage 1 to 4 weeks before the adoptive parents arrive in China. Because our notice to travel was so late, the foster home caregiver was present when I picked up Haiyan. I point this out as being important, because I was able to witness first hand the tearing away of Haiyan from her family. I thought long and hard last night of how I could briefly communicate this experience to those reading this blog and feel I have found the right words: I watched my daughter's heart break and it was I who triggered it's start. This statement brings to me the feeling I had while taking Haiyan from the room where the caregiver stood, turning around, and walking away with a child crying desperately.... mama mama. This is all I will say about the experience.

In the next entry, I will post some pictures that my father took. I hope it will not be long before I can post some video.

Thanks you for your continued prayers,
James

Bitterweet Good-bye

We left our house Friday, January 9th, 8:27 AM to catch the 12:30 PM international flight. It had already snowed three to four inches and it took one hour to drive six miles. I started to feel a flip-out timer inside my gut ticking down as the clock approached 9:30 AM. Fortunately, speeds quickened with proximity to O'hare. We arrived at the airport with two hours to spare, and check-in took very little time. A friend of mine, Lee, from work decided this past Monday to share four flight seat upgrades with me. When we checked in we found that all four upgrades went through, and we were again reminded how blessed we are to have such wonderful friends.


Saying goodbye was difficult is an understatement. Amy showed so much strength and I am very proud of her. She has worked so hard for all of this to happen, and she has stayed so very strong throughout all of the obstacles.